an_aquired_tast

you fall back into the depths of my mind
swimming around
my name falling from your lips
repeatedly
like diamond raindrops
trust so far the horizon has competition
no taboo
no hesitation
no evidence
yet I still feel you
beneath the skin
touching me
changing me
becoming a part of all I will ever be
the distance growing closer
perhaps I will remember your name
as the shock of being undenied wears off
leaving me tangled in your breath
slipping in your sweat into your arms
lost in your words
dancing to the music of your thoughts
and in the excitement
I am left breathless
with anticipation
and a craving for the taste of you
so undeniably yours
as long as I can be...



Copyright © 2009 Crystrena

I can barely comprehend my own thoughts at the moment

and with this confusion I find your words

and your eyes

INTRUSIVE

UNWELCOMED

beyond any hatred that can be salvaged from the rubble

where my ability to feel anything at all

for you

lies with no breath in her lungs

no sign of life or revival and------

as the remnants of my SINS bleed down my thighs

taking with it the VIRGIN tone that was given to you

I have no regrets that come to mind when it really matters…




Copyright © 2009 Crystrena

I think of you and all is dark
I drown in my own tears
As the piano inside my head
Plays those songs for you
That I cannot seem to forget
The knife tears through my skin
The pain does not compare
My head is swarmed with thoughts of you
My heart beats to the rhythm to your name
Confusion is taking over
Jack wants to be my friend
But I cannot trust the comfort
Of that cold glass bottle again
I try to hush these tears
Before I whisper in the dark
And as I cross my legs
In a virgin tone
“I love him” leaves my lips
The candle flickers light in
Almost enough to see
But I cannot trust my own reflection
For right now it isn’t me
And as the silence deafens me
I wish I had the sky
The stars
The Milky Way
Somewhere deep inside
Anything would do really
That could fill this empty space
Anything but the monsters that are hiding here
Within this lonely place
Sitting here beside me
I watch the distance grow
There is no one here to save me
The dark is all I know
I find myself with questions
To which answers don’t exist
(or so it seems)
Still I try to make sense of all the words
That flow into these dreams
And the color of Shesado Red that’s running down my legs
And all these thoughts they make no sense
Maybe reality is setting in
Asking “are we there yet?”
“Am I dead yet?”
“Will this ever end?”
My first true taste of sanity is
Fucking with my head.


Copyright © 2007 Crystrena

Days have passed without you
It seems like lifetimes flying by
Carrying burst of sadness
Only without tears
In your absence I find myself loving you more
Bleeding more
Thinking more
Poring my soul from pen to paper once again
Wondering if I am benefiting
Looking for that second perspective
The lost point of view that holds some magical life lesson
That will make all of this worth the pain…
Fearing that you are the only one who knows
What has truly been taken away from this
As you look down at my heart filling your once empty hands
Reminding you that I gave you every piece of me
In every word, in every picture, in every moment
You tasted every fucked up piece of reality I had previously hidden from the world
And as the last line scrawls its self onto the page I realize
What my lesson was…
And it has no great impact for more than that moment
As I still long for you
Even if that were to mean
The girl I used to be
(When I used to be a girl)
Lying in your arms
Swimming in your thoughts
Whispering in my dreams
Becoming more than I thought I was
You invading me
Me inviting your light inside
My imperfections becoming as beautiful to me as yours
And now
The happiness, the calm, the contentment
It all blurs together with my confusion, my emptiness, my fear
Melting into a numbness that just repeats your name
In rhythm with the beats of my heart
Waiting
Hoping
Needing
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting………………………………..........

I'll tell you something

I am a wolf but

I like to wear sheep's clothing



I am a bonfire

I am a vampire

I'm waiting for my moment





You come on like a drug

I just can't get enough

I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more

And there's so much at stake

I can't afford to waste

I never needed anybody like this before



I'll tell you something

I am a demon

Some say my biggest weakness

I have my reasons

Call it my defense

Be careful what you're wishing




You come on like a drug

I just can't get enough

I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more

And there's so much at stake

I can't afford to waste

I never needed anybody like this before


You are a secret

A new possession

I like to keep you guessing




You come on like a drug

I just can't get enough

I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more

And there's so much at stake

I can't afford to waste

I never needed anybody like this before


When I'm not sure what I'm living for

(When I'm not sure who I am)

When I'm not sure what I'm looking for

(When I'm not sure who I am)


When I'm not sure what I'm living for

When I'm not sure what I'm looking for

When I'm not sure what I'm living for.

it seems like christmas is getting closer and closer, faster and faster and I am missing my favorite part of the whole thing. I guess if I want to be able to relax and spend christmas where I want to I have to rush around in a hurry trying to get everything done first, but, sometimes I think I would rather just cut back on work for a moment, perhaps even take the week before off and stay here in the states so that I can just enjoy it now.
putting up decorations, buying gifts, drinking my jack and cocoa while staring at the christmas lights, having family over, (not the blood kind but the real kind) children playing, laughing, seeing the anticipation in their eyes,
all the jazz.
Sounds to me like I have made up my mind.
Ireland can wait for the next holiday. (or itch)
Hope everyone is smiling and taking in all of the changes the new year has promised.
take care
cry

Thinking of all the time spent thinking
and a thought comes to my mind of how close I came with you
to becoming the real thing
until I saw the ways the colors fell onto paper
making a mess that
to my eyes
still seems so beautiful
even with its grays and blues
time spent thinking of you and what could have been.
Looking past the horizon that keeps me in a trance
"its just another heartache"
somewhere
I can hear it break
a million pieces of me falling from the sky
where they were hoping to fly
discovering more than just new heights.
Inspection begins
where have you been?
why are these pieces mine alone?

------------

BACK TO YOU

His soul swirls around her
filling this room with its beauty
wrapped around her neck
looking for the life that flows
somewhere in between
a soft sigh leaves her lips
she has something to say
but
there are no words to describe the emotions building up within her
making their way to the top.
explosions follow
and the wind trys to calm her
(as an old friend he feels he must)
but his efforts are in vain.
She must scream
she must tell the world of the feelings inside.

The hillside looks bigger somehow
now
as the wild horses fly by carrying her along their path
knowing what she knows
feeling what she feels
and they want to know more of this fairytale she has found
in him.
So she keeps them in view and tells them of rainbows,
pots of gold
dragons shes met along the way
and how they always ask her to stay
for awhile just to talk
since he came breezing through.
She tells them of the moonlight
and the changes that it brings
while she thinks of him
holding her warm in his cape.
whispering his stories in her ear.
"Secret I Loves Yous" into her heart.
She reminds them of stone castles
and glass slippers
Pumpkins that carry her away in the night
and she finds she is smiling at the thought of it all.
Trying to keep up with what he has brought to life.
"I must go" she says "I must find him again"
and with her hair blowing across her cheek
the scent of lavender and roses in the breeze
and the road ahead
she begins another journey
back to her heart.





Crystrena

Couldn't sleep
again
So I spent most of the night playing my guitar
pretending to be as good as people tell me I am
wishing it wasn't so frikin cold in the sound room.
Sometimes I wish I could learn every Pantera song all over again.
I guess I'll have to settle for having them stuck in my head.

As My parents pulled up in the drive way this morning
I remember why I started playing them in the first place.

Not sure I want to brave Vegas tonight
either way I must stop rambling and
get ready for the show.

It's 9:00pm and for once I am able to sit her drinking a cup of tea with my imaginary friend Neil.
No Phone, No doorbell.
I wonder who is tiptoeing across the kitchen floor but it doesn't really matter, Now does it.
Once again the day was long and interesting with the hint of death in the background but I figure I can morn him again in the morning.
Perhaps over pancakes,
with blueberries,
no syrup.
(the smell of maple makes me ill)
Flowers came
through email
with a caption that read
"I'M SORRY"
in bold red letters.
then some to the door with a tag that read the same
and I knew what they meant even as they fell
to hug the bottom of the bin.
and while this day takes alot out of me
as I spend most of it writing
or
staring off into nothing
sifting through what remains of his memory
trying to see,
hear,
taste
anything that was him
it still isn't my least favorite of the year.

i KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE LOST IN THIS,
IN YOU
TO LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF LIFE
SEEING THE LIGHT SHINNING IN THE DISTANCE
NEVER SCARED OF WHAT i WILL MISS IF i RUN FOR IT
AND NOW THAT YOUR GONE
i TRY TO BREAK OUT OF THE FEELINGS
i NEVER THOUGHT i COULD FEEL
FOR ANYONE
YET HERE i AM
STARING INTO THE MEMORIES i KEEP
THE PICTURES IN MY HEAD OF THE WINDOWS TO YOUR SOUL
WISHING i COULD STILL SEE MYSELF
WISHING i WAS STILL THE GIRL i WAS
WHEN i WAS STILL A GIRL
PIGTAILS IN MY FACE
STUCK TO MY LOLLIPOP
LAUGHING OUTLOUD
JUST BECAUSE...
A MILLION REASONS TO SMILE
AND USING EVERY ONE...
BECAUSE OF YOU ...
i COVER MYSELF IN THE DARK, CLOSE MY EYES
AND WHEN i BREATHE i CAN STILL FEEL YOU BESIDE ME
YUCKY KISSES AND ALL
LAUGHING TOGETHER AGAIN
WITHOUT A THOUGHT AS TO WHY
AND i MISS YOU THEN
BUT ONLY FOR A MOMENT
THEN YOU ARE HERE AGAIN
WITH ME
STILL GUIDING ME ON THIS JOURNEY
WE STARTED TOGETHER SO MANY YEARS AGO
AND FOREVER COULD NEVER BE ENOUGH.





Sometime we know exactly where we are going.
I believe it is the times when we are lost that we find ourselves in everything.

I am a hopeless romantic, with a short attention span for love and an abnormal attraction to SIN, who has chosen to reside in the body of a dark rock chick. It is true that I am an acquired taste but I promise you it only takes one taste to get addicted.
I have many interests as you will see but my favorites are my art and the other love of my life, MUSIC.
I also have a soft spot for Horror flix and morbid vanity...
If you cant handle the truth don't ask me the question.
I love body art of all kinds, tattoos, piercings, etc. and have quite a few of my own, so,
If you don't like freaks then you need not apply here.
Have a Great day!